To ThoseAMONGSTus who feel concern, sadness, numbness, and regret, to those who despair over the current state of ALLthatIS, to those who wish they had some way to combat their ill feelings, HERE is your avenue of change.

      I, _________________, solemnly pledge my undying, forever-swimming, cataclysmic, indivisible, sarcastic, symbiotic, multi-lingual, lateral-spinning, cross-dimensional, time-resistant SOUL to the all-important pursuit of the figurative holy grail that is TheFUNK. TheFUNK will be my goal, my dream, my unwavering passion. TheFUNK will float on the slipstream highway that is my ambition and will make itself known to me through its command of omnipotent aural distribution. I am a determined soldier. I am a solemn knight. I am the hero of old, adventuring towards nostalgia in hopes of restoring order to a current, unfriendly, unpleasant, sonically-challenged existence. This is my pledge. My heart is my compass. My ears are my eyes. My love is my voice. I am a messenger, a healer, a tingling nerve-ending of a larger, cohesive being. I am resilience. I know no fear. I have seen the PromisedLAND, and I have memorized its call. On the day when the bells toll to signal our return to its green pastures, I will herd my flock towards musical education, spiritual reassembly, oral hygiene, and a never-ending supply of all that is warm, comforting, forgiving, pacifying, enthralling, and JUST. Let this great responsibility of mine never be forsook. Let the path laid out for me never be clouded with the cultural-genocide, the artistic-apathy, and the self-ISH-expression that WILL BE should my charge fail. There is a higher power. It is not an entity, a man, a checking account, an electronic talking-picture-box, but it demands change. I am change. I am.

      I have read and understood the above contract. I knowingly and lovingly provide my Signature to join the ranks of the loyal, the true, and the brave. I am change.

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           (Signature)                       (Date)